I feel so badly that you hurt so much. I can even understand why you feel guilt....Shheesh, it's our role as women and mothers, eh? But you did not let Bodi down. His death shocked all of us. Just absolutely bowled me over. I thought you had it licked. Which is why I wrote those words that came off wrong I guess and seemed exclusive without meaning to....this disease is so deadly, and those of us who survive can start to get a little cocky about thinking we have some special answers that can fix it for everyone. Then comes Bodi and Jackson and BAM! I don't feel so smart anymore, and I am back to being scared of this disease again. I was more comfortable before.
It has been my observation that -- of the people who continue to post a year after I joined this board, most of us are survivors. I have wondered why this is. You give a clue when you say that you feel you failed Bodi and have no advice to offer for that reason. My heart breaks to read those words from you, and they are not true, but let me tell you this: I FEEL I LET MY COMET DOWN TOO, and we survived.
I feel I should been vetting at Tech to begin with, should have taken Comet there faster, should have been doing research on my own faster so I knew it was not simple conjunctivitis, should have known that uveitis is always caused by something and I should have insisted the cause be found, should have known about blasto faster, should have tried that shot behind the eye, should have had the eye removed faster to spare him the horrible pain of it exploding, should have known I was not feeding great food and he would have had a better immune system and maybe not gotten blasto in the first place, should have insisted that lump on his neck was biopsied by one of the three vets who examined it and said it was nothing; should not have let him have TWO ear hematoma surgeries back to back when he had that lump still, should have suspected something more serious when he had constant ear infections for six months leading up to those ear hematomas, should have insisted the vet biopsy that lump when it shrank but did not disappear with antibiotics (went away with itra)...
I stay on this site to help others, but honestly, mostly to continue to learn about this disease to remain vigilant, and because I still want the support. Advice and encouragement to others is how I stay engaged. You should do this too if you can; it can help you start to feel better.
I have become more participatory in my dogs' health and vetting, and I am more vigilant as a result of this experience. I would bet you are too. We are no different, one from another. We all love our animals, we were all scared to death, we all probably wish we'd done a few things differently or feel some guilt, and we all got some scars from this. I feel really really lucky to have my Comet. But that's all it is that differentiates my experience from yours. I am not more caring or more deserving; just luckier. My Comet's initial blasto level was a WEAK POSITIVE, which means it was under 5.0, when treatment began. How lucky is THAT?
You have every bit as much to offer anyone on this board as I do or as anyone else does. Probably more than me, in fact, for Comet never had the awful symptoms (except for a truly horrible eye) that you had. The last thing Lisa would ever want to commemorate her beloved dog (in creating this site) is for this site to be only for survivors.
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Topic: Bodi, Another Victim lossed to Blasto (Read 1460 times)